Imagine your mind as a vast library filled with hundreds of books, each representing an experience or memory from your life. Some books are illustrated, some are text, some are very long, and some are just a few sentences. Every genre is represented—comedy, tragedy, romance…

Most of the books are well-organised, neatly placed on the shelves. However, some books, those representing traumatic memories and experiences, are scattered on the floor, their pages open and exposed, causing disorder and disruption in the library.

As the sun sets on one chapter, it rises on another. This autumn marks a significant milestone for The Heartbreak Hotel, as we announce that our upcoming autumn retreat will be our last for the foreseeable future. For three years…

This week I was invited onto BBC Radio 4's The World at One to discuss a new fix for heartbreak developed by psychologists in Iran—transcranial direct current stimulation. The headline is that wearing a headset that sends mild electrical currents through your brain for 20 minutes twice a day for five days leads to

Take a break from your heartbreak: Imagine that your ex-partner is on the other end of a tug of war. You keep pulling for fear that you’ll fall into the big black hole of despair between you both if you don’t. Let go though and you’ll actually fall backwards, dust yourself off and get back up again; equilibrium restored.

Nothing heals a broken heart quite like a good laugh. If you can’t get to a real life stand upcomedy show, tune into an epic female comedian on the telly, or listen to a funny podcast and connect to the wider conversations around heartache, feminism and empowerment - and know that you’re not alone.

When our mood is low, we believe our pain is persistent (it’ll go on forever), personal (it’s my fault) and pervasive (it’s all around me in everything I do). But, remember this: nothing goes on forever; it’s never only your fault, and there are always pain free pockets.

What did you used to love doing as a child, but gave up for the sake of a life, work, a relationship? Start it now, perhaps it was drawing, singing, dancing, watching the clouds go by and imagining they were all sorts of wonderful things.

When we are heartbroken, we often forget to take the small actions that might help us feel better because we are swamped with feelings of unworthiness, or caught up in rumination mode, or busy numbing our feelings with tech or alcohol or sugar.

Don’t fight what you can’t change. And what you don’t fight you need to accept. Radically accept. It goes like this: It’s not how you want it to be, nor how it should be. It is how it is. It’s our thoughts about what happened that are at the root of a lot of our pain and anguish.

Being outdoors and connecting with nature has a proven, positive impact on our mental wellbeing, and a name: Ecotherapy, so any outing in nature is going to help heal our broken hearts.

Heartbreak generates stress on the body, which increases cortisol in the bloodstream and puts pressure on our already weary hearts. But…the chemical cocktail produced by a run outdoors reduces the flow of cortisol, acting as a powerful salve for the heart.

Besides conveying information, a key function of language is to motivate and influence behaviour; motivation being one of the primary drivers of change. Yet we are all too familiar with the cadence of ambivalence that accompanies the prospect of change, aren’t we?

Ever since I can remember, I was obsessed with stories. Reading them, writing them, telling them and then retelling them, more often than not, heavily embellished. When I was at the Criminal Bar, I often had to create a story based on tiny shreds of evidence; sometimes just one point from which to weave a narrative powerful enough to convince a jury.

At the end of their first night at The Heartbreak Hotel, by vowing not to speak of them for the remainder of the retreat, our guests bid farewell to their heartbreakers. This vow, spoken aloud by each woman in turn is witnessed by the whole group.

The power of metaphor and story is something we utilise a lot at The Heartbreak Hotel. A well chosen metaphor can distil complex ideas into something clear and impactful that can readily be brought to mind.

We take warmth very seriously. Just like the marathon runner is wrapped in foil at the end of the race, so too do we need to wrap ourselves up when we’ve been through something hard. It helps to regulate our emotions…and it does this by soothing our entire system and bringing our adrenaline and cortisol levels down.

I’ve often wondered why I run. It’s not for weight loss (this perimenopausal tyre is here to stay), nor is it to get fitter, as I’ve done it for nearly thirty years now and have no desire to run further or faster or to improve my technique in any way.

One of the most important life decisions you will make concerns romantic love. Many will say that love chooses you; that it comes out of the blue, leaving you little choice but to be swept along with it. And it may begin like this, but in essence love is always a choice you make.

We experience each of these in a myriad of circumstances and yet they feel like an abstract concept. One, that we often feel we have a hold on but then it slips away. I wish I could share what I learnt from my journey of grief, but every day I wake up with new questions.

They say love is the greatest emotion felt by human beings, and while it has the ability to overcome all and make life grand, it is a tricky emotion to navigate.